Printer Wars!!

The following article is reproduced here from my old engineering notebook, at the express request of one of my most favourite people in the world – Ms. Pranali Kulkarni nee Ambavane. This was written during our engineering days sometime in 2004 in Sem VII during a theory class of “Mobile Computing”.  I have taken care not to add or delete anything, as I felt that, to do so would sully the originality of the article as it was written back then, when I was part of it. This is dedicated to all my DMCE friends and classmates. I hope this will bring back some very sweet memories!!

It is rather amazing that how a seemingly simple yet indispensable object such as a Printer can reduce intelligent human beings to the level of blood-thirsty carnivores! I don’t expect that a Commerce or Arts or for that matter even Science students will fully grasp the gravity of the statement. In fact I think only Engineering students, especially stupid computer engineering students, including myself, can fully understand what I mean.

I mean, you are friends for God-knows-how-many-years; you share, you help and support each other through thick and thin; your friendship has been a time-tested one; and then comes along the submission time. You suddenly realize that there are about 30 programs to get printed for each one of you and only one or two printers to do it!

And then your baser human instincts take over. You plot, you cheat, you plunder, you pillage, you use every ounce of your cunning to procure the required printouts no matter what, to get a chance to sit at the most coveted spot in college – the seat in front of the Printer. It really intrigues me as to how the sound of “Screeeech Screeeech” of a Dot-matrix printer can induce barbaric instincts in civilized men and women.

The conversation which goes on in the vicinity of the printer is fairly the same all the time. You decide to come to college early to get the printer and you find that all the other people have also decided the same thing; only, they have made it two minutes earlier than you.

Making a dirty face, you push your way to the printer to find this guy sitting before the printer like he’s been stuck to it with quick drying cement.

You ask him – ‘How many printouts are you taking? ’

‘Five Six’

‘How much time? ‘

‘Half an hour’

You come after 45 minutes. He is still perched as before, albeit holding a thick stack of printouts.

‘How many more?’  - You ask him angrily.

‘5 more’

‘But you said 5 more, 45 minutes back’

‘Those 5 were for that guy over there (gestures towards some random guy sitting far away).  These 5 are for me’

 You warn him with dire consequences and move off to return in another half hour.

Still he is there! (Sometimes I think that if these guys had shown such perseverance towards God, they would have surely attained salvation by now)

Anyway, you ask him, once more, how long will he take? Half an hour more, he says.  This time you change tactics. You tell him to take your printouts as well as his own.

Finally, after much bickering, quarrelling and a marked rise in blood pressure, you get your work done. Finally!!

When you look at those printed pages in your hands, you actually realize how Abraham felt when God told him – ‘This is the Promised Land. Take it and prosper!’

I would even go to the extent of saying that if you want to see who your true friends are, best do so during these ‘Printer Wars’ . And to think, Printers are a symbol of our development and civilization!