I wrote this little piece on 10th Dec 2004, 6.40 PM (I had actually noted the time as well). It was shortly after the death of my grandfather who was suffering terminally from cancer. I was very close to him. His death was quite sudden and in reality, proved to be a blessing as he did not suffer long from his condition. This piece echoes my thoughts after his passing. In remembrance to him....
Life and Death can be termed as two opposite extremes in this wondrous universe created by GOD. As far as we can fathom, there is nothing prior to Life and nothing beyond Death. By life, here I mean the birth of a living thing.
Most humans would experience joy at the birth of a new life form whether it belongs to them or their fellow human beings. Similarly, when one of us dies, the rest of us grieve. We mourn and occasionally become inconsolable in our sorrow. This occurs even in those exceptional cases where the person who has departed was suffering from incurable and unbearable pain and only Death could have provided solace and salvation from such torment. Even though we are aware in our heart of hearts that Death has mercifully put our loved one out of pain and suffering, yet we do not find it within ourselves to welcome Death and bid farewell to our loved one with a clear heart.
It is my belief that this grief and anguish that we experience at the death of a close person has very little to do with the person himself/herself. We do not grieve for the departed one for he/she cannot know or understand how we feel any more. That is to say - we grieve for ourselves.
We cry because we cannot bear the thought of ourselves existing without that special person. We weep because all the special moments that we have shared and experienced with that person will never come back to us. If one observes, clearly one can decipher that in the above assertion, it is the concern for the ‘self’ that is predominant and not the concern for the departed person.
But then, an obvious question begs askance. All our lives, we have been taught the virtues of selflessness and vices of selfishness. We say and believe that selfishness is one of the seven deadly sins that were trapped in Pandora’s box. We loath selfish people and selfish behavior. Why then, can we not think above ourselves and concentrate even for a little time on the person who has departed?
Our prudent mind may tell us time and again that Death is an inevitability and in some cases, the savior. So, why do we not think about our loved one selflessly and say from our hearts – “Yes God, I give my loved one to you with a free mind and a clear heart.”
I do not mean to say, for even a single instant, that this behavior is wrong. Right and wrong are relative terms. What some consider being right others may consider being wrong. This sort of reaction is seen in all humans and one might say that it is due to ‘love’ for our close ones. However, isn’t it true that love teaches us to Give rather than Take; Selflessness instead of Selfishness?
But then, if everybody is made the same way, then shall I conclude that – It is human to be selfish? Or that it is selfish to be human?
I do not know who the right person to answer these questions is. I don’t believe that there is any human who can answer them because every other human being, like me, will be bound and fettered by the same limitations governing all humans. I can think of only GOD to answer my questions. I hope HE has heard me enough and will clear my doubts when the time comes.
In the time that has elapsed since writing this article, my doubts have been clarified. I have found out the answers of my questions in the most obvious manner possible. However, that shall remain an episode for a later time.
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